A Wooer

sTANDs Candidate for Cuckold, and if he miss of it, it is none of his Fault; for his Merit is sussiciently known. He is com monly no Lover, but able to pass for a most desperate one, where he finds it is like to prove of considerable Advantage to him; and therefore has Passions lying by him of all sizes proportionable to all Women’s Fortunes, and can be indifferent, melancholy, or stark-mad, according as their Estates give him Occasion; and when he finds it is to no Purpose, can presently come to himself again, and try another. He prosecutes his suit against his Mistress as Clients do a suit in Law, and does nothing without the Advice of his learned Council, omits no Advantage for want of soliciting, and, when He gets her Consent, overthrows her. He endeavors to match his Estate, rather than himself, to the best Advantage, and is his Mistress’s Fortune and his do but come to an Agreement, their Persons are easily satissied, the Match is soon made up, and a Cross Marriage between all four is prefestly concluded. He is not much concerned in his Lady’s Virtues, for if the Opinion of the stoics be true, that the virtuous are always rich, there is no doubt, but she that is rich must be virtuous. He never goes without a List in his Pocket of all the Widows and Virgins about the Town, with Particulars of their Jointures, Portions, and Inheritances, that if one miss he may not be without a Reserve; for he esteems Cupid very improvident, if he has not more than two strings to his Bow. When he wants a better Introduction, he begins his Addresses to the Chamber-maid, like one that sues the Tenant to eject the Landlord, and according as he thrives there makes his Approaches to the Mistress. He can tell readily what the Difference is between Jointure with Tution of Infant, Land and Money of any Value, and what the Odds is to a Penny between them all, either to take or leave. He does not so much go a wooing as put in his Claim, as if all Men of Fortune had a fair Title to all Women of the fame Quality, and therefore are said to demand them in Marriage. But if he be a Wooer of Fortune, that designs to raise himsels by it, he makes wooing his Vocation, deals with all Matchmakers, that are his setters, is very painful in his Calling, and, if he Business succeed, steals her away and commits Matrimony with a selonious Intent. He has a great desire to beget Money on the Body of a Woman, and as for other Issue is very indifferent, and cares not how old she be, so she be not past Money-bearing.