An Alderman

H^2^As taken his Degree in Cheating, and the highest of his Faculty ; or paid for refusing his MANDAMUs. He is a Peer of the City, and a Member of their upper House, Who, as soon as he arrives at so many thousand Pounds, is bound by the Charter to serve the Public with so much Understanding, what shift soever he make to raise it, and wear a Chain about his Neck like a Raindeer, or in Default to commute, and make satisfaction in ready Money, the best Reason of the Place; for which hi has the Name only, like a titular Prince, and is an Alderman extraordinary. But if his Wife can prevail with him to stand, he becomes one of the City-supporters, and, like the Unicorn in the King’s Arms, wears a Chain about his Neck very right-worshipfully. He wears scarlet, as the Whore of Babylon does, not for her honesty, but the Rank and Quality she is of among the Wicked, When he sits as a Judge in his Court he is absolute, and uses arbitrary Power ; for he is not bound to un- derstand what he does, nor render an Account why he gives Judgment on one side rather than another ; but his Will is sufficient to stand for his Reason, to all Intents and Purposes. He does no public Business without eating and drinking, and never meets about Matters of Im- portance, but the Cramming his Inside is the most weighty Part of the Work of the Day. He dispatches no public Affair until he has thoroughly dined upon it, and is fully satisfied with Quince-Pye and Custard : for Men are wiser, the Italians say, after their Bellies are full, than when they are fasting, and he is very cautious to omit no Occasion of improving his Parts that Way. He is so careful of the In- terest of his Belly, and manages it so indus- triously, that in a little space it grows great and takes Place of all the rest of his Members, and becomes so powerful, that they will never be in a Condition to rebel against it any more. He is cloathed in scarlet the Livery of his sins, like the rich Glutton, to put him in Mind of what Means he came to his Wealth and Pre- ferment by. He makes a Trade of his Eat- ing, and, like a Cock, scrapes when he feeds ; for the Public pays for all and more, which he and his Brethren share among themselves ; for they never make a dry Reckoning. When he comes to be Lord-Mayor he does not keep a great House, but a very great House-warming for a whole Year ; for though he invites all the Companies in the City he does not treat them, but they club to entertain him, and pay the Reckoning beforehand. His Fur-gown makes him look a great deal bigger than he is, like the Feathers of an Owl, and when he pulls it off, he looks as if he were fallen away, or like a Rabbet, had his skin pulled off.